He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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