i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
