She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
