he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
