dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
