It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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