Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
