Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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