Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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