Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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