I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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