uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
