i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
