Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
