I want you more than these girls want KFC
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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