Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
