Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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