so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
