Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
