We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
