WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
