Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it