hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!