I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
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the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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