Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
