I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
