My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
