I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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