I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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