Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize