you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
