You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
