He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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