someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
