Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
