She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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