His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
This is the prime rib incident all over again
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
