Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
