I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
