who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
