Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
