They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
