Did you just see the Batmobile???
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
