I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
