I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
