I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
