My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
