she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
