My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
