he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
