i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
a search helicopter?!
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
