I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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