don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
