you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
