girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
