I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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