u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
