Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
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I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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