Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Dick very happy bro
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
