I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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