Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
