Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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